I’ve always known two things in life. 1) I have a great desire to be a mother. 2) Something wouldn’t be right when I try to conceive.

I’ve just always known that I’d have infertility problems. And now that I am facing infertility issues, it is interesting to look back on life and realize I’ve known this all along. Oh sure when an infertility thought would come my way I’d always try to think optimistically and tell myself it won’t be that way. And then I’d think the day a doctor tells me I have infertility issues will just be the most devastating day of my life.

I went for the HSG exam on Wednesday and ended up leaving there with a little more light shed on this situation. S from Dr. L’s office was there and prepped me for the procedure. As she was prepping me she told me my glucose results had come back and everything looked fine but my insulin levels were just a little high. So of course I asked if any of Dave’s results were in. After the procedure was done she left and went to look. When she came back she told me we are definitely looking at a male factor for infertility. She said his sperm analysis had come back abnormal and that was why all the other blood work had been ordered. (I had kinda figured that was why more blood work was ordered.) When she mentioned in-vetro fertilization my heart sunk.

Looking back on that appointment I can see God’s hand all over it. Finally we know the problem lies in the sperm. What specifically the problem is, we still don’t know 100%. Apparently this blood work Dave had on the day I had the HSG exam will shed light on the specific problem(s) with the sperm. We will go for our Treatment Plan appointment with Dr. L on the 9th but Dave received a call today saying the results from the blood work will not be in until April 21st.

Another way I have seen God at work is to hear that IVF may be our only option to conceive. Hearing S say IVF was that devastating day I’ve always dreaded. But interestingly enough, once I worked through it in my mind and had time to process everything, it wasn’t as devastating as I first imagined. I think maybe God is teaching me that I have to accept my circumstances for what they are. I can’t control my circumstances but I can certainly control how I deal with it. And the best thing to do is to accept we have infertility issues and be ok with that. And I can be ok with that because God is in control here. As much as I think I’ve known I’d have infertility issues, God planned for me to have infertility issues and He’s got this whole deal under control.

So as it stands now, we know something isn’t quite right with the sperm and hopefully when we meet with Dr. L on Wednesday he can shed some light on what our treatment options are.
Even though I pray we don’t have to do IVF, I have a peace knowing IVF won’t be easy, but God will be there every step of the way.

I’ll write again after the appointment with Dr. L on the 9th.

- Elaine