Friday night I went to church for a Woman’s Ministry Fellowship Night. We played Bunko. I don’t know if you’ve ever played before. You play 6 rounds and after each round you circle on your card whether you won or lost that round.

At the end, my Bunko card looked strangely similar to my attempts to conceive month after month. Playing Bunko, for me, wasn’t fun. But at the end, amazingly so, there was a prize awaiting me. Just like I am confident, at the end of this road, there is a little bundle of blessing awaiting me.

Here is how the story of Bunko night goes…

We began round one and I lost. Round two…lost. Round three…lost. Round four…lost. Round five..lost. Round six…won!

We began trying to conceive. Month one…not pregnant. Month two…not pregnant. Month three…not pregnant. Month four…not pregnant. Month five…not pregnant. Month six…not pregnant. Month seven…not pregnant. Month eight…not pregnant. Month nine…?

People all around me were marking “win”, “win”, “win”, while all I circled was “loss”. Just like people all around me are getting pregnant and having babies. And here I am - still not pregnant.

We ended the first game of Bunko and started the next but only played 3 rounds. Each was a loss for me as everyone around me continued to circle “win” with the occasional “loss”.

Nine rounds of Bunko were played that night. At the end, our pastor’s wife, Rachel, stood up and asked the women to raise their hand if they had won in all nine rounds. I sat back as I knew there was no way I’d be winning a prize with eight out of nine losses! One lady stood up to go to the front to receive her prize. To me, this is the woman in Arkansas that is now pregnant with her 18th child. Yes, 18th! All eighteen children she has birthed. Her children are on average 18 months apart, which means for the past two decades or so she has conceived, on average, every nine months.

Then Rachel asked if anyone had won in 8 of the 9 rounds. Five to seven women stood up. To me these are the women who can easily birth as many children as their heart so desires, and do.

Then Rachel asked if anyone had lost all nine rounds. No one had.

Then she asked if anyone had lost 8 out of the 9 rounds. I slowly raised my hand along with one other person in a sea of about 100 or so women. And to me that was the women who struggle with infertility. The minority. Surrounded by people who are pregnant or have children. Surrounded by people with more wins circled on their cards than losses. And there I was, out of all those women, one of the two people suffering with infertility. I began to think about my situation and how lonely at times it feels. I was thinking about the unfairness that I would have to be in this minority and walk the dreaded road.

And then in the middle of my pondering, the one other lady that stood with me and I were handed a prize! A prize for the losers? Yes, a prize for the losers. Because regardless of my circumstances yesterday and today, God has a plan and purpose. A reward - a great blessing awaiting me.

The fight I fight daily and sometimes, moment by moment, is to turn my thoughts from the things mentioned above to turning my thoughts to this promise from God:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

- Elaine