I’ve been trying to make some kind of sense as far as why God allowed what happened to happen on Saturday and Sunday.

I believe it was because He wanted to teach me a profound truth that I have been trying to figure out for years now.

Trusting God is something I desire to do but is just incredibly hard to do. I think in my mind, “How can you NOT trust God, Elaine, when you see his faithfulness in every past situation of your life and you know and believe He really does have plans to prosper you and bring you hope and future.” After every trial in my life I can remember thinking, “The next trial, it will be so much easier to trust God because I will be able to look back and remember how He has been faithful.”

I think back to only two years ago. I was 25 years old and completely ready to meet the man of my dreams. I had met Dave and over time had grown increasingly interested in him but had absolutely no idea if he was even remotely interested in me or not. I came to the point where I pleaded with God to either let Dave make a move, or remove him from my life so I would know Dave is not the one for me. It was during this trial in my life, of desiring to find him but it taking what seemed like forever, that I really started to learn about truly trusting God and surrendering my will for God’s will - whatever that may be.

I remember thinking, if God does allow me to meet my future husband and get married to him, the next time a huge trial comes into my life, it will be so much easier to trust God. But through the years I have learned it is never easy to trust God. It is not what comes natural to us living in the flesh in this fallen world. We are constantly bombarded with circumstances on the boat of life that very easily take our eyes off the horizon.

It is only in the past day or so that I have really come to realize that trusting God is not a place you finally reach after a long journey of trying to get there. It is a day by day, moment by moment battle that must be fought every day of my life here on earth. And when I feel myself spiraling into feeling sorry for myself and my circumstances, or feeling the unfairness of it, at that moment in time I must rebuke those thoughts in my head and refuse to think them. And instead turn my attention to the promises of God.

It is an exasperating battle at times because there are days when I want to cry, be frustrated, angry and mad that we have to go through this (ie. Saturday & Sunday). And I allow myself those times because they are normal emotions for going through something like this. But I cannot allow myself to camp out there. I have to move on, knowing victory is coming. And I also have to be watchful for the spiral to come back so I can at that very moment, for the uptenth time in my life, take my eyes off the rocking boat around me and focus on the glorious horizon.

- Elaine