Last night and today have not been good. I don’t know what to say other than to just say that some days are hard.

I know I have a blog with the title, “It’s a Wonderful Life because God is Faithful”. I know I proclaim that ultimately we desire God to receive glory in this situation. I know that I write blogs about living moment by moment and keeping my eyes on the horizon. I know.

And believe me, all that is who I am and what I truly believe on this journey to give birth to a baby.

But I am human. I have a desire, a great desire, to have my own children. I live in a world surrounded by women who easily get pregnant or accidentally conceive when they weren’t even trying. I hear my biological clock ticking louder than anything right now. I sometimes, like today, am angry about having to walk this road. Why me? Why us? Why not the teenage girl who gets pregnant and will soon just abort her problem away? Why can a women give birth to 18 children while many women around the globe struggle to have just one?

For those of you who do not have to struggle with trying to conceive, this is what haunts the minds of every woman who so desperately desires to see two pink lines on the pregnancy test. I have read many blogs written by women struggling with infertility. The majority of them are focused on the gloom and doom of the situation…the seemingly hopelessness of the situation.

That does not describe me or my blog. I know God has a plan. I know God has a purpose. I know He is in control of everything. It’s just sometimes the pain gets so intense that I have to release it in tears and frustration.

I know God is faithful. This morning I prayed for some piece of hope. This afternoon, I stumbled across a blog written by a Christian woman struggling to get pregnant. I commented on her blog and within minutes there was an email from her in my inbox. She wrote some words of encouragement and wanted to know if she could post my blog on her blog. It is my prayer that more people, whether they struggle with this or not, will come across my blog and the blogs of other Christian bloggers who struggle with infertility so the world can see there is hope, even on those bad days.

Even though today is bad and I am really down, I know I will not stay here. I will move forward with my hope in God’s faithfulness.

- Elaine