I’ve been wanting to write again about the marriage conference so here goes…

Session two was about communication. I like the way Harry Truman put it: “When we understand the other fellow’s viewpoint, and he understands ours, then we can sit down and work out our differences.” Understanding is the key word here. Oneness in marriage comes through understanding each other’s perspectives and understanding only comes through communicating with one another.

To demonstrate “perspective” the speaker held up a coffee mug for the audience to see. When someone from the audience said the handle was on the left side of the mug the speaker said, “But from what I see, the handle is on the right side of the mug.” Then the speaker asked the audience, “Am I right and he is wrong?” The speaker answered himself by saying, “The issue here is not right vs. wrong, but a matter of perspective. He must respect that, to me, the handle is on the right and I must respect that, to him, the handle is on the left. The same is true with communication between husband and wife. The focus shouldn’t be on who is right and who is wrong. The focus in communicating should be a goal of understanding the perspective of your spouse.”

I thought that was pretty profound.

Everyone knows good communication takes listening well and expressing yourself well. Here are some good points on both:

How to Listen Well
<ol><li>Give focused attention.</li><li>Listen with acceptance and understanding. </li><li>Ask clarifying questions; make summarizing statements.</li><li>Focus on what is being said, not the way it is being said.</li></ol><p>How to Express Yourself Well</p><ol><li>Think before you speak.</li><li>Determine what you want to say and when to say it.</li><li>Not everything you are feeling needs to be expressed. Sometimes silence is best. </li><li>Ask to make sure you are being understood.</li><li>Speak in a way that encourages.</li></ol><p></p>

- Elaine