Waiting to hear if you are pregnant or not pregnant is torture. I don't know how else to describe it.

Last night I was a mixture of emotions. I was at peace and then an hour later, I was worrying. All kinds of things were flying through my mind.

My greatest fear in all this is the IUI not working the first time, the second time and the third time. Dr. L suggested we try three IUIs before moving to IVF. For some reason, my mind keeps drifting to the third negative result and then having to face the reality of IVF.

I know I cannot allow myself to think that way.

God reminded me of a verse in the Bible we are all probably very familiar with. In these current circumstances I see this verse now in a whole new light. The verse is, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34".

Just going through three cycles of IUI is enough trouble for now! Thinking about anything beyond this is worrying about tomorrow. For now, I am not there. I cannot allow myself to think about the tomorrows.

However, I must come to grips that God may end my walk on this road to pregnancy in two weeks and He may not. I must rest in the simple fact that if God does indeed not allow conception in these three cycles, He will go with me in what lies ahead. He will give me strength to face the tomorrows that are possibly coming my way.

And then I thought about my ultimate goal in all this...for God to receive glory through this. So I asked myself, "How can I best give God the glory during this two-week wait?"

Certainly not by worrying about something that may never happen. I believe I can best give God the glory as I wait by surrendering my fears to Him and trusting Him.

I wish trusting God was human nature - but, unfortunately, it is the complete opposite. But something I've learned is that God likes to put us in situations where we are completely out of control and the only thing left to do is surrender to Him.

That's exactly where I am tonight as I write this post. I was here not to long ago when I was waiting and waiting and waiting what seemed like forever for Dave to come into my life. I remember God bringing me to a place where it hit me that I was completely out of control and God was asking me to surrender my will and trust Him.

God blessed me with the gift of Dave. I do not know the hows or whens of pregnancy but I do know my God is faithful through the ages (Psalm 119:90). It is there I find hope and peace.

Please don't stop praying. Please pray through the power of Jesus Christ in me, I can keep my mind focused on the things of God and not on the fears that so easily come creeping into my mind.

- Elaine