In the past year and I'd say, especially in the past few months, God has really taught me a lot.

I've learned that my purpose in life is to glorify God and serve Him with every day on this earth He gives me. And I've learned that trials that come into our life are intended to let God's glory shine for the world to see so other's may find Christ. And I've learned that when things go haywire in life, there is always a purpose and reason behind it because God has planned every day I will live right down to the smallest detail. Unfortunately, I can't always see the big picture right away and this is where FAITH comes in.

I had something happen today that got me very worried at first, then frustrated and then, not too long after that, I was mad at myself.

I got up at the crack of dawn this morning for the 8am ultrasound. You already know there was a miscommunication somewhere along the line and it turned out that by 8:45am there was still no one at the office - besides me, of course.

I wasn't to worried at 8:15 figuring whoever was doing the ultrasound was just stuck in traffic somewhere, running late. I had brought a book. So I found some shade and read for a little while as I waited.

By 8:30am when I was still sitting there in Ghost Town waiting for someone to arrive, I began to worry.

Has the person forgotten I was to come in today? I continued to wait as thoughts of worry consumed my mind and I prayed asking God to allow the person to get there!

But mostly, I worried. After all, it is a Saturday morning. If no one came to the office now it would be Monday before I could talk to anyone and by then the egg or eggs would have already ovulated and be long gone. I could see the money spent on all these extra doses of menopur going down the drain. I couldn't help but think about the fact that it is already so hard to get everything ready and on time to be able to do an insemination and now here we are going to have to cancel this cycle because they forgot to show up for my last ultrasound. ARG!

And then I thought of T. I had her number so I called her at 8:45 in a panic.

T said I could come at 2pm for the ultrasound but then called me back as we were leaving Sam's and said the embryo transfer Dr. L was coming in for had been moved to 3:30. Dr. L?!?! (God answered that prayer!) She asked if I could come in at 3:45 instead.

So I made a mental note of 3:45 and then the anger at myself kicks in.

Why all the tears? Why all the worry? I know God is in control here. I know He created this day and planned this day long before I was even born. I know He knew this was going to happen. And I know He has a reason beyond what I can see at this moment in time. And still the peon of a human I am, worried.

God worked everything out. And the amazing thing is is that it wasn't like he was scrambling around making phone calls to get it all together. No, he planned for me to get up at the crack of dawn. He planned for me to sit outside and wait for an hour and 15 minutes. He planned for me to call T. And he planned for my ultrasound today to be at 3:45 - not 8am.

So I thought about a plan so next time something goes haywire like it did this morning I won't have to panic and worry.

And I've come to the conclusion that my worry today was an emotional response that I cannot help. God created us to experience emotions. I may not be able to not worry at all but I can certainly turn my worry energy into faith energy.

And faith energy is way more productive.

- Elaine