I am pretty much recovered from the surgery. So the next thing is the month of December - the month we are praying it happens naturally.

There are several choices I must make concerning December's cycle:

1. Should I do the Clomid Challenge Test?
2. Should I take my basal body temps and chart like I was doing over a year ago when we had just started trying to conceive?
3. Should I use an Ovulation Predictor Kit?

I believe God is saying no to all three.

It's taken me a few days to come to this conclusion because I have really wanted to at least do the Clomid Challenge Test for several really good reasons:

1. Taking Clomid, there is a good chance for more than one follicle to ovulate. Doing a Clomid Challenge Test there is an 8-10% chance for twins and (thankfully) only a <1% chance for triplets or more.
2. We could time things better because Clomid regulates your cycle.
3. I would have one ultrasound and be able to see how ready the follicles are for ovulation which would help with timing.

This morning as I was praying and writing in my journal about all this I realized I hadn't really stopped to consider those positive aspects of a Clomid Challenge Test.

Timing is crucial when trying to conceive and, for us, timing things just right is very tricky for reasons I won't get into. So as I was writing in my journal about the positives of doing the Clomid Challenge Test it was very tempting to change my mind about not doing it during December's cycle.

But here is why I can't change my mind:

This morning I felt as if I was standing at a crossroad and God is calling me towards one direction and asking me, "Elaine, are you going to trust me?"

Nothing is impossible with God. And I knew this morning, that the real reason God had told me "no" is because if God indeed is going to perform a miracle in December for us, we need to take our hands off, let go and let God do His work. To sum it up, I need to take a leap of faith and trust Him.

This is scary. On one level, it makes no sense. We so want to have our hands in EVERYTHING! We are like the 2-year-old who likes to "help" Mommy with chores around the house. But in the end, there is more of a mess, and I'm sure, that mom thought something along the lines of, "I'm glad my little boy wants to help but I sure do wish he would go find something else to entertain himself with so I could just fold this laundry once and not have to keep refolding it!" I wonder how many times in my life God has thought that about me?

If only Elaine would just back off, let go and TRUST ME to get the job done!

This is hard, really hard. But I've said from the beginning that I desire God to receive the glory in everything we must go through on this road. If I get pregnant naturally next cycle, I want ALL the glory going to God and not even a tad bit of it going to me or to a Clomid Challenge Test.

So by packing up the prescription for Clomid, thermometers and the folder I keep all my charted temps in, I am saying to God, "If we conceive next month, this baby will truly be a miracle from You!"

And all the glory will be His.

- Elaine