The following post was written in my "paper and pen journal" on November 28, 2008, on the night before we traveled home after being in Raleigh for Thanksgiving.

I'm sitting in possibly one of my most favorite places in the world ... in the rocking chair that sits in the Living Room of Grandma and Grandpa's house.

How many times in my life have I come to this place to meet with God? I came numerous times over the past decade praying to meet my future husband. It certainly didn't happen in my time frame but it happened in God's Timing and now my husband sits in the den as I write this.

God has been so good. So good!

I think now about this past year. A year ago we were here. I thank God I had no clue of what was to come. And I thank God for what did come.

There have been some desperate times, some very very dark times. Times when I felt hopeless. But in those dark, desperate times, God was there. He has lead me through each and every step of this journey.

I've learned this battle is not just a battle of getting my egg to join with Dave's sperm to create Baby! It is a far greater battle.

A battle of attitudes ... Will I continue to praise God even in the midst of this storm?

A battle of faith and trust ... Will I put my complete faith and trust in God?

And a battle of control ... Will I seek God every step of the way and obey Him and His leading?

Pastor Paul's sermon about "great faith" painted an even clearer picture of what this trial really means. God is testing my faith in Him through infertility. And I want to be found with great faith.

I've been reading stories in the Bible about people coming to God in desperation but with confidence, knowing God could do what they asked. Lately, it's been on my mind a lot that maybe that is what God is calling me to do.

Maybe God wants me to approach His throne humbly, but with great confidence in Him and ask, believing, that God will allow me to become pregnant this month.

The only thing that stops me is thinking, "What if God's will is not for me to be pregnant this month?"

And then I think, "That really isn't my thing to figure out!" None of these people in the Bible had to know the final result. All that was required of them was to come to God with the heart attitude of humble confidence, knowing only God could perform the miracle. Only God. And then they had to have faith and believe that what was asked was already done.

Like Pastor Paul said, "Faith is risky. But the only risk is it not turning out the way we thought it should. But it will be better because God's plan is always better than ours."

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I find myself thinking a lot about what God is up to this month concerning our story.

The fact is, He is always writing. He doesn't start something and then decided to put off the project until later.

The ink pen is always in His Hand and even at this very moment, He is writing.

- Elaine