I just finished watching a Beth Moore video from the study “Esther”.

Wow!

My mother is going through this study at church and said I should watch this particular session because it is all about (yep, you guessed it!) fear.

Two parts of this session really stuck with me.

*****

There is no denial in courage.

Let me explain because when I first heard that, it really wasn’t making a whole lot of sense to me. But, as Beth began to explain further, the truth behind that statement astounded me.

What does that statement have to do with my fear about doing IVF?

Well, first I must ask myself, “What is my greatest fear about IVF?”

Answer: That at the end of everything, I will receive negative blood test results again and still not be pregnant.

The reality of this situation is that this very well may happen. I may go through IVF only to still not be pregnant at the end … my greatest fear.

I could go into this with the attitude of, “This is going to work, it has to”. But this would be living in denial of reality because the reality of the situation is it very well may not work.

There is no courage in saying, “IVF not working for us is just not a possibility. It has to work!”

So what is courage??

Courage is looking flat in the face of “it” (IVF not working) and not denying that it could happen. Instead, I deny it’s authority over me. 

That is courage!

Which now brings me to another part of the session that really struck me.

Beth told everyone to write the following on a piece of paper:

And if _______, then _______.

The first blank is for our worst fear. Beth named endless possibilities for things we are afraid of that could be written in that blank …

• And if my husband cheats on me,
• And if my child dies,
• And if there is no money left in the bank,
• And if I am fired from my job,
• And if I am infertile,

The list is endless and we all have something we can fill in that blank. (Go ahead, fill your blank with your worst fear.)

Then Beth went on to fill in the second blank with how we tend to first react …

• then I will just die inside and never feel alive again.
• then I will cry myself into a deep depression.
• then I will never feel joy again.

Beth then said, this is instead how we must fill in those blanks …

• then, God will still be faithful.
• then, God will take care of me.

And if _______, then GOD.

If we allow anything but God to fill that blank, we will be left in the grip of fear.

My trust in God throughout this IVF cycle cannot be conditional trust. I cannot go through this IVF cycle trusting that IVF will work.

Sure I can and will pray that IVF results in a pregnancy. I will daily lay my heart’s desire before the Lord and ask others to pray the same. And I can certainly pray asking God to let the cup of “failed IVF cycle” pass me right on by.

But I won’t live victoriously and in freedom with that kind of conditional trust. Instead I must enter this IVF cycle with an “If this, then God” trust and faith in Jesus Christ.

If the IVF cycle fails, then God will take care of me and He will still be faithful.

Not …

If the IVF cycle fails, then I will loose my will to keep living life.

God hasn’t called me to trust him conditionally, to trust Him only when things are in my favor. No. God has called me to trust Him. Period.

Towards the end of the session Beth asked a question:

From Genesis to Revelations, what is the most frequent command in the Bible?

“Don’t be afraid.”

Then she asked another profound question:

Can you imagine living without fear?

Courage comes from the Latin word “cor” meaning “heart”. Courage comes from a heart that is convinced it is loved. That is why, as 1 John 4:18 tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”

I do not have to go through IVF in the grip of fear.

God is perfect love. Perfect love drives out fear.

Before I step one foot through the IVF door, I already have victory.

Victory in Jesus.

(Same goes for you!!)

- Elaine