I will not lie and tell you that I am all chipper, excited and ready to get started with this IVF cycle.

Today I am overwhelmed with the finality of it all. This is it. Before doing IVF, there was always IVF as a last resort. Well, now we are here. At IVF. At our last ditch effort to actually see two lines on a pregnancy test.

I know I am overwhelmed today because my focus all day long has been on that very moment. Finding out at the end if I’m pregnant or not.

I cannot allow myself to think that way or the next four weeks of my life will be pure misery.

The important thing about running a marathon is not winning the entire race and coming in first. It’s instead all about how you run the race.

No matter how many times I tell myself this or write it in my blog, it is still extremely hard to keep my mind focused on that.

We are going on 18 months of this. I know some people go through infertility way longer than that. We are reaching the end of our possibilities. There is no IVF Cycle 2 (unless by some miracle of God we have frozen embryos at the end). This is it. The weight of that truth as been heavy on my heart yesterday and today.

This only proves to me that I cannot do this unless my eyes are fixated on Jesus and everything He has taught me in the past 18 months.

I wrote the following in my IVF journal last night:

I feel so weak right now. Honestly, I feel like I want to run to the side line and quit. I’m scared and nervous. I want everything to go perfectly and at the end of the month I want to finally see two pink lines and one word: PREGNANT. But I may run this race at full speed and not end up with that result.

It’s all about focus and keeping my eyes on the Lord. I can’t take my eyes off for a moment or I will stumble.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can do whatever is coming my way in God’s strength. Whatever God is going to ask of me next I know He will equip me with the strength and power – HIS STRENGTH AND POWER – to do it.

God, I want a baby at the end of this marathon!! But not my will, Lord. Not my will. May Your will be done.

On this very night I surrender this cycle to you, God. When something “doesn’t go right” I can know I’m not the one in control. You are.

God, give me strength to run this race in a way that only serves to point people to You. I pray this IVF cycle will be used for your glory.

The time has come. It is time to do IVF. I’m at the starting line just about to take off.

Here is my tentative schedule/Antagonist Protocol:

March 1 – 4: Ovarian Stimulation – 10 tabs of Letrozole (only on March 1) plus daily injections of Follistim and Menopur

March 5: Ultrasound at 8:30am to monitor and evaluate ovarian response to fertility drugs

March 6 – 9: After ultrasound evaluation I will be told how much more Follistim and Menopur I will need to take to continue the ovarian stimulation process of IVF.

During this time I will return to the doctor’s office for more ultrasounds and blood work to again monitor and evaluate ovarian response to fertility drugs.

March 9: Estimated date for hCG injection (to finish maturing eggs before retrieval)

March 11: Estimated Retrieval Day

The day after retrieval, I’ll be on Methylprednisolone (steroid) twice, daily for five days. I will also start Doxycycline (antibiotic) twice, daily for seven days. I will be on Prometrium (vaginally) three times a day.

March 14: 3-day transfer

(or)

March 16: 5-day transfer

Not sure when the Blood Pregnancy Test will be, but probably sometime towards the end of March.

- Elaine