Saturday morning very early we are leaving town for the mountains! It is time for our annual trip to our cabin in the mountains of North Carolina!

Last year when we made this trip we were between the IUI cycle that was cancelled in June and the first IUI we completed in July. I remember taking my last birth control pill while there and then starting the Clomid before we returned home.

August 4th I would get my first negative pregnancy test result from an IUI. That is a day I never in my life want to relive. That day was one of the lowest days of the journey.

Hopelessness. Despair. Anguish. Anger. Utter sadness. Disappointment.

I felt like a fish failing around out of water. My world was turned upside down. I didn’t know up from down.

It’s a good thing God was in control and not me at that moment.

I do remember being angry at God for a time. I think that is only natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Our finite minds can’t comprehend at such a low time that God is still in control, He has a plan and in His time He will bring that to fruition.

I knew all of that in my mind but because we are human we must have those days where we lay in a puddle of self pity, angry at the world and our bleak circumstances.

God, in His Sovereignty, made it not be August 4th forever. That horrid day I went to bed and woke up the next day. A brand new day. And a realization that the only thing I could do from there was press on and put my faith in the Lord.

It’s a good thing at the time I didn’t know what I was pressing on towards.

I still had two more failed IUIs to endure, surgery to remove endometriosis and the worst news of my life – pregnancy mostly likely wouldn’t even be achieved with IVF.

But then, I also had a miracle to witness. The miracle of Little Bug.

One year later, I am returning to the mountains and this year, my daughter goes with us. 

It is simply amazing to look back upon the last 365 days.

- Elaine