One year ago today I was on pins and needles.

It was the day of my blood test that would determine whether my first IUI had been a success or not.

I can remember that day like it was yesterday.

Dave had taken off work so we would be together. I knew I needed something to distract me, so we went to Lowe’s and bought rocks to put in our front flower bed.

My cell phone was attached to my hip the entire day just waiting for that phone call.

My hopes were very high that maybe, just maybe, H’s phone call that day would end the misery we were dealing with in trying to conceive.

Around 2pm all my hopes were dashed in four simple loaded words: "I’m sorry, you’re not pregnant.”

Dave was sitting across the room from me and I remember shaking my head.

Immediately, I began talking to H about plans for the next cycle.

When I hung up I dropped the cell phone to the floor and crumbled there as well sobbing like I had never sobbed before.

It’s a good thing at the time I didn’t know this scenario would repeat itself two more times.

August 4th, 2008 – one of the darkest days of my journey through infertility – set the stage for God to do a miracle in my life.

I had reached the point of desperation. And that is just where God needed me to be able to perform the miraculous.

After that July cycle we decided to take a break in August and do another IUI in September.

That “break month” was the best possible thing we could have done after the heartbreak of a failed IUI cycle. At the time, I was not working and I had ample time to just sit on my back porch swing and allow the Lord to speak straight to my heart.

In that month I know my faith was tested and stretched in a way it had never been before.

I’ve always said God opened my heart to adoption in December of 2008 but if you really get down to it, He opened my heart to adoption during that “break month” – I just didn’t know it at the time.

It was during that “break cycle” that one of my readers (Jess) shared her story. God opened her heart to adoption and through her obedience and surrender to Him, God brought four children into her home through the miracle of adoption. And then He surprised her with a natural pregnancy!

Her story spoke volumes to me. At the time, I honestly thought that God would one day allow me to conceive. But it was through Jess’s testimony that I first saw the beauty and miracle of adoption.

Jess’s obedience to her Lord spoke to me so loud and clear and I knew God had allowed our paths to cross through the blogosphere so that I would be reminded about the importance of obedience to the Lord.

I knew I was to be obedient to the Lord and do as He asked of me. But He had never really required obedience of me in a way that would rock my world and turn it upside down for a time.

Now, looking back on my journey to Little Bug, I see that God was preparing my heart to be obedient to Him so I could receive the blessing of Little Bug.

If it had been up to me, back in March of 2009, when God told me to pursue adoption, I most certainly would have made an appointment with Dr. L to discuss our second try at IVF.

But that wasn’t what God was asking me to do. He was asking me to, in obedience to Him, surrender my desires for His will, His plan.

I gave it all up to Him. My desire for pregnancy. My desire for a biological child that was half me and half the man I love.

God wasn’t telling me to pursue another infertility treatment. God was telling me to pursue adoption.

I did.

And I am oh, so glad I did.

One year ago, I was very confused. I didn’t understand why God was holding back and not allowing me to conceive.

Now I know.

He wanted to bless me with Little Bug.

I find it very interesting that God put on my mind Psalm 126:5. Looking back now I can see God was whispering in my ear, “Elaine, I’m going to do a miracle. Just wait and see!”

The verse in today’s devotion is very fitting for this day, as well.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

To God be the glory, Great things He has done!

- Elaine