Sunday’s sermon made me think again about the tough question I received from an anonymous reader and I realized I have more to say in answer to the question.

The message of the sermon was that Jesus is the Light of the world (John 8:12). The world is full of darkness (sin) but Jesus is the Light showing men which direction to go to receive abundant life instead of death.

I got to thinking about my life and how every single Christian out there is also a Light for a dark world. Without saying one word, the way a Christian lives their life should point people to Christ.

During the service today everyone was handed a candle as they walked through the door. At the end of the service the pastor invited everyone to come to the front of the church and light their candle and then go back to their seat.

Each lighted candle was to represent the life of the person holding the lit candle and the Light that person is to this world.

As I walked back to my seat with my lit candle I stared at the little flame flickering and it occurred to me that God gave me infertility so that I could be a Light pointing people to Jesus as I travel this dark road.

The main way God has allowed me to share my journey through infertility has been this blog. I started the blog with my own purposes in mind but God knew He would use the blog in ways I had no clue He would use it.

I keep contemplating bringing this blog to a close but today I realized that as long as God is bringing people to this blog and allowing them to find Him here, I need to keep it going.

The song “I Surrender All” was being sung as the congregation made their way to light their candles at the front of the church.

As I listened to that song something else became crystal clear as well.

The song talks about surrendering all – not just this or that. All includes everything – even a deeply rooted desire to experience pregnancy.

After that fateful day in March, when I learned my dream of pregnancy was dying, I knew it was then that God was telling me that we were to stop pursuing infertility treatments to achieve pregnancy and we were to now pursue adoption.

God was asking me to surrender my desire for pregnancy and embrace His Plan instead.

I surrendered those desires to Him and one month and one day later, we learned of Little Bug.

God does not close a door without opening a window.

My desire for pregnancy is in God’s Hands now.

He will either allow pregnancy one day or He will choose to never put new life in my womb.

Either way His Name will be praised. If one day I end up pregnant, I will praise His Name for performing the miracle of pregnancy in my body.

And if I never get to experience pregnancy I will praise God for what I have experienced – the miracle of adoption.

You are the light of the world. Matthew 5:14a

- Elaine