February 2008 was the month I realized my worst dream was coming true.

I was going to have to walk the dark road of infertility.

We had been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for 6 months and I instinctively knew something was wrong.

I certainly didn’t want to believe it, but I knew it was true.

We were timing everything perfectly month after month and yet every single pregnancy test was stark white.

I made an appointment for March 12th with the most fabulous RE on the face of this earth.

In April we were told what was wrong. It really wasn’t anything major for either of us. Our RE was pretty confident that within 3 cycles of doing an IUI, I would be pregnant.

At this point in the journey, I just wanted to be pregnant. Little did I know, God was going to take the circumstances of my life and teach me incredible things about Himself.

Our first IUI was in May of 2008 and had to be canceled. At the time, I thought that was the absolute worst thing that could have ever happened to us! Now, I just laugh when I think about that “devastating” day. I didn’t know the definition of devastating on that day.

I also didn’t have the will power or the courage to stand up in the face of defeat and keep going. I had not experienced the strength of the Lord in the darkest hour.

So God thought teaching me all those things through three failed IUIs would be a wonderful idea.

It was a wonderful idea and I wouldn’t trade what God taught me from May 2008 to October 2008 for the world.

One by one, every single one of our IUI cycles ended in a negative.

I felt totally out of control.

I felt defeated.

I felt discouraged.

I was afraid.

I was completely frustrated.

I had no idea what was going on.

Now, looking back, I see God lead me to the road of infertility for a specific purpose.

I learned more about the character of God and how to really trust God in those five months than I had in my entire life.

I learned what it means to be in the depths of despair and still pick up the broken pieces of your heart and press on through a strength that can only come through the Lord.

When we are weak, it really is then that we have strength. It is not a strength that comes from yourself – it is a strength that only comes from the Lord.

I learned what it means to put your trust in the Lord. All my life I had said I trusted the Lord, but my walk down the road of infertility was my time to act upon my words.

The road of infertility is a dark pathway full of uncertainties, sorrow and pain. There were days I wanted to curl up on the side of the road and just give up. I didn’t think I could take one more negative pregnancy test. There were days when I questioned why I was on this road. It didn’t seem fair that a girl who had always dreamed of motherhood would be walking this road.

There were days when all I had was my faith in Jesus Christ to get me through the day. I clung to the Scriptures – the promises of God. I chose to believe these promises with every fiber of my being:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Glory be to God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we could ever dare to ask or even dream of. Ephesians 3:20

After the three failed IUI cycles my RE told us that there had to be some underlying issue that would only be discovered through surgery.

to be continued…

- Elaine