Tonight was a light bulb moment for me.

I’ve recently discovered that most of my frustrations from parenting stem because of my need to be in control.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I have this need.

Besides the fact that human nature has a lot to do with it (I think) I realized something else tonight.

Before infertility and motherhood my main focus and role in life was 4th grade teacher.

When I stepped foot in that classroom I had complete control over everything that went on in those four walls from 8:30 to 3:00. I knew that if I did not gain control of the class within the first few weeks of school I would be sunk for the rest of the school year because nine and ten year olds will certainly take over control if their teacher doesn’t!

I may have looked like I couldn’t harm a fly and that the wind would carry me off at any moment but my students knew who was in control and they respected me.

Rituals and routines were the backbone of everything I did in that classroom. With twenty or more students in the class, there had to be a routine in place for something as simple as lining up to leave the classroom so there would not be complete chaos as twenty or more students head for the door. At the beginning of the school year, I taught the class how I expected them to line up to leave the classroom and that is how we lined up to leave the classroom all the way to the end of the school year.

There were rituals and routines my students followed from the moment they entered my classroom until the moment the bell rang at the end of day. Rituals and routines that were expected to be followed from the beginning to the end of the school year.

My classroom ran in an orderly, predictable fashion. The students knew what was expected of them and they knew my classroom was a place to learn. If you happened to come to school ready to goof off and cause trouble instead of learn, there were consequences.

I was in control. Complete control. Always.

I know there were times I may have felt like I was loosing control, but it was so imperative to never loose control (because then the students would see me as a push-over) that I never lost control!

It makes sense to me why I crave that control so much over Little Bug’s schedule. However, as I have learned, no matter what you do, you can’t completely control a baby!

You would think managing one little baby would be a breeze compared to managing a classroom of nine and ten year olds!

I think the difference here is babies are not meant to be managed, while classroom management skills are imperative to a teacher.

I think maybe I’ve taken my classroom management skills a little too far and need to realize I’m no longer running a classroom but nurturing and caring for a precious baby girl! :)

- Elaine