Maybe because Little Bug is almost a year old and is looking more and more like a little girl instead of a little baby with every passing month, I’ve been thinking about the day Little Bug learns she is adopted.

In a post I wrote before Little Bug was born, I said that we plan to tell Little Bug about her adoption as soon as she starts asking questions.

I’ve always imagined the questions would come when Little Bug sees the belly of a pregnant woman and asks me if she used to be in my tummy.

I’m not so concerned about answering her preschooler questions. It’s when she is a teenager and wants to know details that concerns me.

It’s not that I don’t want her knowing the details surrounding her adoption; the details concerning the woman who gave her life.

I just hope Little Bug is able to see her adoption for the miracle that is was (and is), like everyone who hears her story sees it.

I hope she can truly understand one day why Tracy could not parent her and how the mercy and grace of God landed her in our home, in our family.

I hope she fully comprehends the miracle that took place in her mother’s heart. How her mother grew up dreaming of four beautiful children born to her through the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth and how God changed her heart to be able to welcome her as her daughter.

I hope Little Bug knows she is the daughter I desired all those years of waiting for her to arrive. I hope Little Bug believes with all her heart, as her mother and father do, that blood relations so do not matter when it comes to a parent/child relationship.

There is no other little girl on this universe that I would want to call daughter except Little Bug.

I hope Little Bug one day fully comprehends that she is a miracle, in more way than one.

I came across this TV show called “16 and Pregnant”. The girl got pregnant during her senior year of high school. She and her boyfriend had broken up after she found out she was pregnant. However, they were talking again so they could figure out what they were going to do about the baby.

For me, it is hard to imagine a pregnancy being an unwanted thing in anyone’s life. But, under the right circumstances, pregnancies all the time are unwanted.

This girl definitely fell into that category. There is something to say about any woman who chooses life for their unwanted pregnancy over the “quick-fix” of having an abortion.

The girl on this show knew abortion wasn’t an option for her in the least bit. Tracy knew that wasn’t an option for her either.

The girl’s parents wanted her to pursue adoption from the start. The girl wasn’t so sure that was what she wanted. She was leaning more towards parenting. And so was her x-boyfriend. The parents knew the two of them were not living in reality. They were making plans for them and this baby that in reality just were not going to be what they were thinking it would be.

Their plan was the girl would move in with her x-boyfriend and his roommate and the four of them would live together. Of course, the girl’s parents knew when you compare this situation with adoption, adoption was the best thing for the parents and baby, hands down. So, in their wisdom, they suggested their daughter go live with her x-boyfriend for a week before the baby was born to see if that would work once the baby got here.

The girl gets to her x-boyfriend’s apartment and it didn’t take long for her to realize in real-life their plan to parent this baby just wasn’t going to work in reality.

The girl, feeling stuck and not knowing what to do next, begins to think about adoption. The scenes where she was sitting on her bed talking to her parents about adoption were heartbreaking. She clearly wanted this baby, but she knew, given the circumstances, she was not at a place to parent a child.

The show later shows her very at peace about her choice to choose adoption for her baby. She had gone to an agency and looked through some profiles picking one couple who she felt could best parent her son.

It was very eye-opening to me to see her struggle in choosing adoption and the heartache that came with making that decision. She knew this was the best choice and once she met the couple she had chosen, her decision to choose adoption seemed even more right to her.

Then came the time for her to give birth and to actually relinquish the child to the adoptive parents. They had an “Adoption Ceremony” at the hospital where the girl walked in holding the baby, walked to the adoptive parents and handed over the baby boy to his mother.

It was beautiful. A beautiful picture of what adoption really is … two families coming together forever, through the miracle of adoption.

While a completely open adoption, one in which Tracy would have visits with us on a regular basis, is just not the best thing considering the circumstances, I do hope to be able to contact Tracy through the adoption agency at any given date should Little Bug ever desire to meet Tracy.

I never want to be “hush-hush” about Tracy with Little Bug. She gave Little Bug life and she chose us to parent Little Bug, of which I am forever grateful.

I know my curious Little Bug is one day going to be curious about all this. It is my prayer that as her mother, I will have the wisdom necessary to guide her and help her understand the circumstances, the miracle, that brought her into our family.

I’m thinking sending her to her Mama’s blog and letting her read from the beginning might just be the perfect start to her comprehending the miracle that she is.

- Elaine