Were there any special things you did in the beginning to promote attachment and bonding?

I have never shared this on my blog before but I attempted breastfeeding Little Bug. Since there were only 7 weeks from the time we learned of Little Bug and the day of her birth, I really did not have time to prepare my body for such a thing but I really wanted to attempt breastfeeding for the bonding aspects.

By the time Little Bug was born and came home after a one week hospital stay, I still had zero supply. After all the stress of infertility and treatments, I finally had my baby girl home and putting my focus on trying to get myself to lactate was going to be a full-time job when all I really wanted to do was enjoy life with my newborn daughter! I knew breastfeeding just wasn’t going to happen.

Did it affect our bonding experience? Absolutely not!! Feeding times were a real bonding time for Little Bug and me. I held her close with her body turned to mine like it would be if she was breastfeeding. When a baby learns to hold their own bottle it is usually a thing to celebrate. I have never encouraged Little Bug to learn to hold her bottle – even at 10.5 months old she won’t hold her own bottle! I enjoy holding my baby girl five times a day and feeding her her bottles. There was even a time that Little Bug would only eat well if I was the one feeding her. I learned bottle feeding can still be a very intimate bonding time between mother and child, as it has been for Little Bug and me.

Another way I bonded with Little Bug was having her be with me wherever I was in the house. If I was in my bedroom folding laundry Little Bug was there with me lying on my bed watching me. If I was washing bottles and she was awake, I’d put her in the baby carrier so she would be right there with me while I worked. Now, I see that Little Bug enjoys following me around the house! While she will go off and play and explore on her own, you can tell Little Bug finds much pleasure in following her Mommy around the house. 

I remember you writing about how healing it was to be a part of a friend’s delivery, and I know you talked some about this already, but I was wondering if it is hard to see pregnant women or know that having another child will not just happen for you?

There was a time when seeing a pregnant woman was really hard and thinking about my infertility and the fact that I will most likely never conceive was a really hard thing to swallow. Witnessing Angele give birth to Lilianna was the start of the healing that really took place in my heart and really allowed me to let go of my lifelong desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth. At this present date I can pretty much say that desire is gone. When I consider embryo adoption (which would allow me to experience pregnancy) as a possibility for expanding our family in the future, my heart just isn’t there. This isn’t about fulfilling my desire for pregnancy but it’s about fulfilling God’s Plan for my life. And so far, God has chosen to close my womb and open my heart to the miracle of adoption and I have chosen to follow where He leads and my heart could not be more full or more content than it is now. I am lacking nothing.

(I will address the “having another child will not just happen for you” part of this question with another similar question that was asked.)

Have you had any further thoughts, that you could share, on your take on how to add to your beautiful family?

The way I see it there are three options for us when it comes to expanding our family to a family of four: 1) another domestic adoption (most likely scenario), 2) embryo adoption (like I said, at this point and time, my heart is just not there), and 3) a natural conception (I know that miracles DO happen!).

Several weeks ago I was thinking about #2 and stressing over the logistics of adopting another child in the future. I finally realized that God worked out the miraculous details that brought us Little Bug and I can, and do, trust Him for child #2. When I start stressing about it, I remind myself God is in control and I don’t have to figure things out. I thought I had things figured out when we were trying for our first. We were going to conceive soon after our marriage and then when those plans didn’t work out we were hoping to conceive through an IUI or IVF cycle. You can see where that planning got me the first go round! God’s Plan was totally different and so much bigger and better than what I was planning! Honestly, I stand in expectation and wonder of an ever faithful God, knowing if He has another child for us, in His time He will again orchestrate the events necessary to bring that child to us.

If I had to guess how a second child will join our family, I would guess it will be through another domestic adoption. We thought around the time of Little Bug’s first birthday we would be ready to tell our agency we are ready to adopt again, but we are no where near ready for #2! I thought I wanted my kids around 18 months to 2 years apart but now I am thinking 2.5 to 3 years apart would be better. But like I said, it’s in God’s Hands and He has another perfect plan for bringing #2 into our family and I trust Him to do just that when the time is right.

Strangely enough I thought my family wouldn’t feel complete until I had my four little munchkins running around, but I feel the complete opposite now that I am actually a mother. Life is so incredibly full with Little Bug in it that I, for the first time in my life, do not feel a desire to “have a baby”. I am thinking that I will know God is about to add to our family when I get the “baby itch” again.

- Elaine