How did you find your agency? Can you give me some idea of cost? 

God opened my heart to adoption while I was sitting in Sunday School at church listening to a friend share a prayer request concerning her adopted son’s birth mother. Dave and I went over to this friend’s house and talked with her and her husband about adoption soon after. She shared with me about the agency they used and we decided to go with this same agency.

The agency we used was founded by a Christian lawyer with a heart for matching birth families to adoptive families. Google “Adoption Agencies” for your city and see what comes up. I strongly suggest finding a good agency to work with. Our agency and lawyers were phenomenal to work with and have both the birth family and the adoptive families best interest in mind.

Domestic adoptions are expensive. The average adoption of a Caucasian infant for our particular agency is around $25,000. The later a birth mom contacts the agency in her pregnancy, the cheaper that adoption will be because the birth family will have less living expenses to cover for the birth mother while she is pregnant. There are adoption loans and adoption grants out there. Google that as well and see what you can find for your area.

Is your adoption a closed adoption or open? How do you feel about those two options?

I’ve already answered the first question in my Q&A: Part 1 post so now I will answer the second question.

I always want to be able to contact my children’s birth families, but at this point and time, I do not ever intend to have an ongoing, constant relationship with my child’s birth family. I say “at this point” because every single adoption is so very different and should I find myself in a situation where a very open adoption would be the best scenario for everyone involved, I would be open to that.

But as a general statement, I feel a semi-open adoption (like Little Bug’s adoption) is best for both the adoptive family and the birth mother. When the birth mother chooses adoption she is giving up her parental rights to that child forever. Distance seems healthy to me in order for the birth mother to heal. At the same time, walking away and never seeing pictures of the child or hearing how the child is doing from time to time does not seem healthy either.

I believe the same is true for the adopted child. The child needs to be able to contact his/her birth family if the desire is ever there. To be hush hush about an adopted child’s birth family is not fair to an adopted child. I want Little Bug to know that she can ask me anything she wants to about Tracy without me feeling threaten in my role as mother in her life. I want Little Bug to know that I will support her should she decide she would like to meet her birth family one day. I really do see Little Bug and me going together one day to reunite with Tracy. I feel that will be something both of us will have a desire to do together one day.

How long did the process take from the beginning to finally getting your daughter?

Our adoption time line is extremely rare. On April 9th, 2009, I went to the agency to drop off our paperwork and was told that very same day that we could have a baby in June if we wanted one that soon! Forty-eight days later, Little Bug was born and we officially became her parents 81 hours after her birth.

Typically the wait time at our agency for a Caucasian infant is between 12-18 months.

- Elaine