We just had our IVF cancelled for lack of response, just like you did a year ago. What made you want to move straight to adoption instead of trying a different protocol, etc.?

Laying on that table and discovering my ovaries had not responded to the IVF meds, my first thought was, “Well, we can just try a different protocol.” When the ultrasound ended and the RE was discussing the situation I can remember sitting there listening to what he was saying but at the same time knowing in my heart that God was not leading us to try another IVF cycle – He was leading us to adopt.

I argued with God for a time. I brought up my desire to experience childbirth and pregnancy. I brought up the fact that I didn’t want to just “give up” after only one try at IVF. The only thing I heard back from God was this: TRUST ME.

At the very beginning of our journey through the murky waters of infertility treatments we decided that we would not take one step without asking God to lead and direct our every step. After our first failed IUI, God lead us to do another IUI, and when that one failed, He lead us to another. Then, He lead us through laparoscopic surgery and then IVF. After the IVF cycle with the poor response I knew He was leading us to adoption.

And now I most certainly know why!! God’s plan was Little Bug and had I gone and done what I wanted, I would have missed out on one of the greatest blessings of my life: my beautiful daughter, Little Bug.

As a fellow Christian and someone who is dealing with infertility, I find it quite “natural” to become bitter. I am just wondering how you avoided it, or dealt with it when it crept in.

You are most certainly correct. It is natural for anyone, Christian or not, to be become bitter about desiring a child, seeing people all around them get pregnant and have baby after baby, and all the while continuing month after month to see nothing but failed pregnancy test after failed pregnancy test.

The difference between the the two groups of people (those who know and believe in Jesus Christ and those who do not) is that Christians have an incredible HOPE that the world just cannot understand.

When the bitterness crept in I clung to that HOPE like I would cling to a raft or lifesaver if I was drowning the middle of the Pacific Ocean with no land in sight.

When my flesh was wanting to dwell in the land of bitterness because of my infertile state, I had to make a choice. Was I going to give the devil victory in my life and allow myself to become bitter and wallow in self-pity until my arms were full with a child or was I going to put my focus on the promises found in the Word of God and live in HOPE knowing God did have a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and it would be better than anything I could  dream up for myself (Ephesians 3:20)?

While I chose to live with my faith, trust and hope in the Lord, there were many dark days along my journey where I dwelled in the land of bitterness. Honestly, those days are just part of the journey. After all, we are human and we do live in the world. BUT, you cannot allow yourself to stay there. I firmly believe it’s okay to be mad, bitter, and even angry at God for a time (those are real emotions that come along with dealing with something as traumatic as infertility) however, you must move forward from those moments and not allow yourself to set up camp on Mount Bitter.

Something else that really helped put things into perspective to me was knowing that my struggles with infertility were not a lifetime sentence but were only there for a season. Yes, I will always remain infertile, but the pain and yearning for a child I felt daily in my heart when we were going through infertility treatments is just not there anymore. God has brought me through that painful, dreadful season of my life and He has brought healing to my heart as I mourned the loss of never experiencing pregnancy and childbirth. AND, to top it off, He blessed me with a child that is not from my flesh and that of my husband’s, but a child that I wouldn’t think for a minute to trade for 10 biological children. Little Bug was where this painful journey of infertility brought us and she is certainly nothing to be bitter about! All the pain and heartache, dark days and disappointment after disappointment was so worth this little smile:

Cling to the promises of God and use those promises as weapons to defend yourself against bitterness when it starts to creep in! Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and He will lead and direct your paths.

My Elaine,

Why do you love me so much? I don’t deserve a gal like you!

Your Dave

If I listed everything that makes us such a perfect pair this post would go on forever and a day, so I will stick to (some of) the major points!

* I grew up with parents who supported me in everything I did, encouraged me and loved me unconditionally. When I flew from their nest to yours, nothing changed. You support me, encourage me and love me with an unconditional love that many times makes me stand in wonder and amazement.

* Let me say more about your unconditional love: We met in January 2006 and started dating June 29, 2006. Less than a week later, you told me “I choose to love you.” and you haven’t stopped since. There have been numerous times in our relationship where I know I have been very unlovable, but your love has never failed. We have chosen to love each other and know love is not based on feelings but a commitment to each other. What a beautiful example you are being to our daughter as she learns from you how a man should love his wife.

* I am forever grateful for the way you provide for your family which allows me to be a stay at home mom to our daughter. I cannot imagine spending my days doing anything but taking care of, teaching and loving on our precious little girl. It is because of your wise money management skills that you have made this possible.

* It never ceases to amaze me that you were only 21 years old when we met and yet you already had your career and life goals set before you. When most guys are having a “lets figure out what to do next” period in their life, you were graduating from college, getting married and starting your career all at the young age of 22. And it didn’t stop there.

* At the age of 24 you became a daddy and you are an amazing father. You do not hesitate to jump in and care for Little Bug – especially on Saturday mornings which is my sleep in day! You play with and read books to Little Bug, carry her on your shoulders, which she loves, and always greet her with a big hug and kiss when you come in the door from work. That little girl loves her Daddy!

* You are just downright hilarious and I love living life with you by my side.

- Elaine