I am waiting for Dave to get home from work. He’s had a late night tonight because of a deadline approaching. Little Bug is in bed.

I’ve been looking through pictures of her from birth to present day.

Two weeks from today my little baby will be one.

It is hard to believe that my baby is going to be one but it is even harder to believe that I’ve been a mother for a year now.

In those long days of waiting and wondering when it would ever happen, being a mother for any amount of time seemed light years away.

It is amazing how quickly this year has gone by.

I was rocking Little Bug, giving her her bedtime bottle and thinking how satisfying life is at this moment. Little Bug leaves nothing to be desired. I always assumed I would have a burning desire to add another child to our family soon after Little Bug, but that desire still isn’t there, even as she approaches her first birthday.

She is everything I ever dreamed of in a child and more.

I can hardly remember life before Little Bug was such an intricate part of every detail of my life. (Well, I do remember very vividly what it was like to stay up late and sleep past 7:30am!)

I know one day though it will hit. That burning desire to add to our family will hit me like a sledgehammer.

I wait for that day with great expectation because I know I will once again be forced back into that place of complete surrender and trust in my God to orchestrate and work according to His Plan.

As odd as this may seem, I like that place.

Yes, it’s scary because I have no control over what happens. I can’t just one day get that burning desire to have another baby and then talk to my husband and make a decision to “start trying for #2”. Yes, another adoption is sometimes too overwhelming to even think about, from both an emotional and financial viewpoint.

However, I like that place because it forces me to trust God. It forces me to believe with my whole heart that God will make a way where there seems to be no way because He works in ways we cannot see and I know He will make a way for me. (I think that is song.)

I was asked today if I’ve ever thought about writing a book to tell my story. I responded by saying, “Yes, I have. However at this point in the journey I do not feel my story is complete. Part One is complete, but Part Two has yet to unfold.”

What will be written on the pages of Part Two?

I don’t know.

But I know Who does.

I know it might again involve heartache and sorrow but ultimately beauty will prevail.

- Elaine