I’m sitting here in the quiet of the house, Little Bug is napping, it’s pouring rain outside and there is just so much on my mind right now.

I wish I could say everything on my mind right now, right here, but I just can’t.

There is only one string that still hangs on when I think of my desire for pregnancy. And my desire now really has absolutely nothing to do with the desire to carry a child in my womb who is half me and half my husband and to feel that child kick me from the inside.

It has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the simple fact that if that were the case, I wouldn’t be dealing with what I am dealing with on this day.

Overall, our adoption process has gone very smoothly this time around, even though we are just six weeks in and have (what seems like) countless weeks to go. But given the fact that we are dealing with an unstable woman there is just going to be drama that we are going to have to deal with.

Today is a drama day.

And on this drama day, I sit here wishing my baby was safe inside my own womb and free from the drama that comes along with an adoption process.

The reality is that I am not pregnant, but Tracy is. And I can sit here all afternoon, while the rain continues to pour, and wish things that just aren’t going to happen!

And, really, after yesterday’s post I’m not at all surprised at the events that unfolded over yesterday and today!

Satan hates what is happening. He is trying to use the circumstances of today to bring me down.

HA! The joke is on you, Satan!

Because I know what is really going on here.

God is in control. He knows every little (and big) thing that will happen from this day until the day TPR is signed and this precious baby becomes ours.

I don’t have to worry about a thing. I just need to keep on keeping on, taking one step at a time.

My baby isn’t in my womb for a very good reason. A reason that goes beyond my understanding. A reason that God knows and God planned.

And while drama days are frustrating, this I do know:

He’s got the whole world in His hands.

And drama days won’t last forever.

Say a prayer for me. And Tracy. And our lawyer.

Thank you.

- Elaine