Control.

We all want to be in control of our lives.

If there is one thing (and actually there are many) my infertility has taught me, it is that there are just some things in life that I have absolutely no control over.

Like all those negative pregnancy tests I used to stare at on a monthly basis.

No matter how much I willed that little window to display two lines, I simply didn’t have the capacity to control the outcomes.

It was completely out of my control.

The past agonizing week has taught me so much more about control.

As the drama of this week was unfolding right before my eyes, I realized I had front row seats to the show but had absolutely no control whatsoever to the outcome.

And honestly, for the first time in my life, I realized this was completely okay.

Contrary to what I have told myself all my life, there are just some things I was never meant to control.

And really, I am so thankful I haven’t been the one calling the shots over the past three days.

For the first time in my life I have totally, completely taken my burdens to the feet of Jesus and left them there for Him to take care of.

I cannot tell you how freeing that has been!

(You should try it sometime!)

I think back to the drama that involved Little Bug’s adoption. (Yes, there was plenty of drama then, too, believe it or not.)

I lived in fear those 7 weeks we awaited her birth. I said I was trusting God and I was, but I did not fully comprehend what it means to take your burdens to Jesus and leave them with Him to take care of.

Just over the past three days, I feel like God has taken me to a new level of trust in Him and it is marvelous.

God is in control.

Do you realize how much POWER is in those four little words?

God is in control!

I feel like I am standing in the middle of the biggest storm possible but yet my heart feels as if I am standing in the middle of a peaceful meadow.

You better believe Satan has tried to play the life would be so much easier if you could just get pregnant card on me this week.

I’ve told him me being pregnant would be much too boring and while I do feel as if my life has suddenly turned into a real life soap opera, it’s all for the Glory of God and I will embrace it.

Because God is in control and thankfully, I am not.

- Elaine