Let me start by saying this: After we got to the bottom of all the drama on Monday morning, I wanted Tracy to know two things.

1. I KNOW the truth and she cannot continue to try to pull the wool over my eyes.

2. I forgive her.

For about a day, I debated back and forth in my mind whether I was going to send Tracy a “departing text” or not.

I finally decided I would, because I wanted her to know the two things I listed above.

On Wednesday morning I sent Tracy a text telling her that I was sorry things ended the way they did and that I was extremely grateful for the time we got to spend together. I also told her that she will always have a special place in my heart and that I would continue to pray for her.

I never expected to hear from her, but about an hour later, I received a text and it was from Tracy.

She told me she wasn’t sure what happened and asked if I was saying goodbye.

With that, I knew it was time for some tough love.

I was not going to let her think I am naive and don’t know “what happened”, but at the same time, I wanted her to see that I truly do forgive her actions, whether she admits them or not.

For Little Bug’s sake, I did not want to make her angry at me and I did not want to burn any bridges that might make it hard for Little Bug to get in contact with her should she desire that way, way, way down the road.

But I certainly wasn’t going to allow Tracy to see me as a doormat and leave the door open for her to try this again with me in the future.

I consulted a friend of mine who, unfortunately, has gone through this same exact thing. I am learning how to deal with people like Tracy and my friend (whose name is ironically, Tracy) is an awesome teacher!

Wednesday afternoon I replied to Tracy’s text by saying that I did just want to tell her how much our time together meant to me and how grateful I am for a picture of her and Little Bug together. I told her I do not know what the future holds, but I am not going to ride this rollercoaster with her. I told her if she wanted to be completely honest with me, at ALL times, then I would love to keep in touch. Then I told her that I just cannot subject my family to lies and that Little Bug and my family are my first priority and I cannot and will not allow anyone to cause us emotional turmoil.

I do not expect to hear from her again. The door to contact right now is certainly closed for very obvious reasons, but it is not locked.

It’s the honest truth that I do not know what the future holds, but I know who does and I will continue to walk with Him as He leads, guides and directs my path on this journey.

Should God bring Tracy back into our lives for whatever purpose He may have, that is His deal. But for now, I thank God that He gave me the sense of mind to make this contact one more time so that Tracy now knows those two things I listed above.

It’s all good.

And I can move on now with absolutely no regrets.

For some adoptions it is best for the two families to have an open relationship and for others it is best to have a semi-open or closed adoption.

I would never completely cut off ties to Tracy, but a semi-open adoption is best for our family I think for very obvious reasons.

We are under contract with our adoption agency to send pictures of Little Bug along with a letter giving Tracy updates about Little Bug’s growth and development every year until she is 18 years old.

I did not feel a sense of closure with Tracy after Little Bug’s adoption because of the way things ended there, but I do this time around.

For that, I am very grateful.

My heart will always hold a very special place for Tracy. I love her and I pray one day God will save her soul and Satan will no longer have a stronghold on her life.

Throughout these 49 days there were several opportunities God gave me to show her God’s love. When I replied to her apology text, I told her that there is a God who loves her more than she can imagine and He desires to carry these burdens for her, if she will let Him.

She doesn’t want God now, and that breaks my heart. I know those words God allowed me to share with her fell on very infertile ground.

And so I will continue to pray for Tracy and that one day in the near future she will recognize her need for a Savior.

- Elaine