We slept in this day because we were worn out from hardly any sleep. Tracy sent me a text in the morning apologizing for last night (sending me home via the lawyer). Dave and I went for a short visit at the hospital to see Tracy and Little Bug.

Just as we were pulling into the hospital parking lot, the drama started. The lawyer called and told me Tracy didn’t want to sign the papers tomorrow as planned. At the time we didn’t know if this meant she didn’t want to ever sign the papers or what.

Walking into the hospital with a smile on my face when I just wanted to run to a corner and ball my eyes out was so incredibly hard.

Tracy was acting peculiar and we didn’t know what to think.

Dave and I were alone with Little Bug in the hospital room for a little bit. Dave prayed as I held Little Bug and I couldn’t help but let a few tears fall.

We didn’t know what the outcome of this was going to be. It was so unnerving. We were holding and loving a baby we didn’t know would be ours or not.

We didn’t stay long that day.

As we left the hospital room I had no idea of knowing that was the last time I would see Tracy until our reunion with her nearly 20 months later at the zoo.

We left the hospital, the moments ticking away like hours. Everything just felt like slow motion. It was incredibly hard not knowing what the outcome of this adoption was going to be.

That evening friends and family came to our home and we spent two hours praying and reading scripture together.

As stressed out as I was, there was inner peace, that could only come from the Lord. I had no other options but to just trust God. And trust God I did.

I didn’t know how I was going to sleep at all that night but I did sleep, although I woke up the next morning at 5:30am (which I never do).

This was just the beginning of waiting and another huge lesson from the Lord about giving up control and letting God take care of matters.

There was absolutely nothing I could do. All I could do was pray.

And pray I did. While I of course prayed that God would give us Little Bug to be our daughter, I ultimately prayed for God’s Will to be done because I knew that God’s Will was best and God’s Will would prevail.

- Elaine