It is Sunday morning.

I had planned to get out of the house this morning and simply attend small group at church and then come straight home.

Instead, I am laying in a hospital with Sweet Pea nuzzled beside me after not sleeping a wink last night. (Me. Not her, thankfully!)

And, once again, I am waiting.

Waiting to find out what, if anything, is in my baby's blood.

You better believe last night after I witnessed my 18 day old baby get a spinal tap, and be pricked countless times before the 5th attempt at an IV was finally a success, that I had a talk with God that definitely consisted of me asking Him, "Why? Why after everything Sweet Pea has gone through and is going through, does she now have to go through all this?"

Moments before her spinal tap she was sleeping cozily against me, swaddled tight.

The doctor came in and told me to lay Sweet Pea on the ER bed. I carefully walked to the bed and as I was laying her down I was reminded of Abraham laying his son on the alter as a sacrifice and then God sparing His life and using a Lamb as a sacrifice instead.

I laid Sweet Pea down and then the doctor told us only one of us could stay and she suggested I leave and let Dave stay.

They put a chair for me out in the hallway.

I sat down.

I heard Sweet Pea cry. Dave stuck his head out and asked for a Paci.

I quickly found one and knew this was my ticket back in there.

I walked to the door, Paci in hand, and told Dave, "I have to be with her through this."

He left and I entered.

I cried through the whole procedure right along with her. It was horrifying.

Later that night as I would attempt sleep I would close my eyes and immediately go back to those horrific moments of my baby screaming bloody murder and me not able to do anything to help her. I would close my eye and see that needle in her back that looked almost as big as she is (I know it wasn't) and her little body being held at an arch by the hands of the nurse. And the screams. Relentless screams.

This morning I am reminded of something through that experience.

Just as I HAD to be with Sweet Pea through that, Jesus HAS to be with me through whatever I go through because He has promised in His Word that He will never forsake me.

As we wait to hear if Sweet Pea does have bacteria in her blood, He is here.

He's not going anywhere. Just like I am not going any further than the bathroom from my Sweet Pea.

- Elaine