Sweet Pea is having a rough night.

Dave does her 11pm feed and around 1am I heard her screaming so I got up to see what was going on.

Gas pain, burps, poots, spit up, restlessness, the whole nine yards....after her 11pm feed.

It's now past 2pm and I'm laying in bed with my mind rolling while Dave gives her another feed since nothing else we are doing is helping.

Dave had the Zantac in his hand ready to give her at 1am when he was at his wits end. I stopped him because I really do see Dr. M's point.

I feel in my gut this is a sensitivity issue and not necessarily a reflux issue because it all lines up to Sweet Pea's exposure to methadone for 6 months while in the womb. It has torn her stomach up and...either probiotics will help rebuild whatever has been damaged or Sweet Pea will need a prescription formula.

The only way to know is...time. She needs to be just on probiotics for a solid week to see if there are any improvements. If not, we try Zantac for a week. If still no improvement, Sweet Pea gets the prescription formula.

I know what my Sweet Pea needs.

She needs what God has created mothers to provide for their infants: breastmilk.

I know it's crazy to even say this but I feel I have failed Sweet Pea because I can't provide her with this. I know it can be induced but, seriously, do you think the body that can't even produce a viable egg would be able to produce breastmilk?

I think not.

I know you can buy milk from a breastmilk bank, but money doesn't grow on trees.

So, we move on from these thoughts and...I just feel in my gut she needs this prescription formula.

I could be wrong, I could be right.

Only time will tell.

Until then, there are probably many more sleepless nights in our future.

This too shall pass, right?

It's hard to not be angry tonight.

Angry that my baby was exposed to drugs in the womb.

Had she been in my womb....she wasn't....so I might as well not even entertain those thoughts.

It is what it is but I do HATE seeing an innocent baby suffering.

Dr M said we would be able to get to the bottom of this. I believe her.

I'm just going to need the strength of the Lord to get us there!

- Elaine