My heart just aches for Brooke. It is hard to understand the whys. Why God wouldn’t just let them have this baby after all they have been through.

But, I know and she knows that God has a plan and this baby just wasn’t their baby.

I know the pain of disappointment after disappointment, the agony of waiting and…I was so hoping today would be the start of God unveiling the perfect, beautiful plan He has for this precious family.

But it was not.

They are still waiting for God to move. And that is very hard.

Today wasn’t a good day for Sweet Pea, either.

She was uncomfortable for the majority of the day. She would fall asleep and wake up with tummy pains.

I cannot wait for Thursday. I wish the appointment was tomorrow! I cannot wait to talk to Dr M and see where she thinks we should go next.

I don’t really see a difference in Sweet Pea’s comfort level since being on the probiotics. The only difference I have noticed in the past week has been less spit up coming up through her nose. She still spits up, but it is less frequently coming up through her nose. Not really sure what that means, if anything.

I admit I feel down today. I feel like a loser all the way around because I don’t feel like I am being a good wife, or mother to either Little Bug or Sweet Pea. I know that is Satan trying to bring me down, but that is how I have felt today. My mom is still helping out greatly around here and while I don’t know how I would still be alive if it wasn’t for her help, I feel like a loser that I can’t be a SuperMom and handle the toddler, the baby and the household duties like a pro. Prideful, I know.

I love more than anything in the world being a wife and stay at home mother, and I feel like a failure in every way possible when it comes to my wifely and motherly duties.

Again, I know I’m not a failure and this is all Satan-talk. But I’ve never not spoken truth on this blog and this is how I am feeling right now. So there. I said it.

Bottom line? I want my baby’s tummy to feel better and I hate drugs, especially drugs that affect a perfectly innocent baby.

- Elaine