If there is one thing I can’t stand, it is someone who pretends to have no problems.

You know.

Their marriage is perfect.

Their children are perfect.

Their house is always clean.

The laundry is always done.

They are never late.

Their kids are always properly dressed.

They always have dinner on the table right on time.

And, the best one yet…their children always obey.

Why do we feel the need to paint a picture for the world to see that depicts a “perfect life”?

I mean, my life is pretty much “perfect” in the sense that I have an incredible husband and two adorable daughters after spending many nights wondering if I would ever live my dream of being a wife and mother.

But, my life is far from perfect.

I am far from perfect.

I fail over and over again.

And do the same things I don’t want to do, over and over again.

I think I get a handle on it and then, just like that, it all comes crumbling down again.

I spent this morning in a 2 hour battle with my two-year-old. Yes, two hours. It was by far the longest power struggle I have ever been in with her. It made me realize why we have so many rebellious children in this world. It would have been so much easier to just give up and throw up the white flag in surrender.

But, I stood my ground, but even in doing so I feel like I still “lost” the battle because I am not proud of the way I lost my cool with her.

Yes, I lost my cool with my daughter this morning.

And I am not proud of that.

But she would not clean up after playtime in her room this morning.

This has been an ongoing problem for weeks now. Months, perhaps?

Little Bug is messy. She makes messes everywhere she goes. She doesn’t really “play” with toys, she just spreads them everywhere and then, when it is time to clean up, I end up cleaning up about 90% of the mess and she does 10% (if that). So basically, she has learned that she can make messes and Mommy will come behind her and clean them up.

I have become a “broken record” at clean up time because I say “Little Bug, help clean up your toys.” but she knows that I will just end up doing it myself and she is “off the hook”.

Today, I’d had it. I was in her room cleaning up her toys this morning while she continued to not help.

Nothing was motivating her to clean up her toys and eventually I found myself in a battle with my 2-year-old that ended in tears for both of us.

Why is life so messy? Not toys-messy but sin-messy?

I know all this is a direct result of my own personal sin of not desiring God this morning. I let other stuff get in the way and as a result I didn’t handle today’s battle of the will’s in the way God would desire me to.

I failed. Big time.

I know the right way to live my life and yet I still make bad choices!!

It is called the battle of the flesh.

My heart is God’s but yet my heart still resides in my flesh which is downright dirty and sinful.

To live for Christ is a daily battle. And sometimes it is not daily…it is hourly, minutely (is that a word?).

I hate that I don’t always choose Christ. I hate that I often times allow my flesh to win. More often than most would probably think because I have the reputation of being the “good girl who does no wrong”.

While my sins are not obvious to the world, I still sin daily. I still battle doing the right things…daily. And, often times, I fail.

Like today.

I KNOW if I had chosen to submit myself to GOD today, I would have been able to handle this situation with my daughter in a whole different light. But because I chose NOT to submit myself to God today, I instead (whether I knowingly do this or not) submitted myself to Satan.

And today I was governed not by God’s love, peace, mercy and joy, but instead by anger and frustration.

I hate failing like this. I’ve tried every possible scenario I know to avoid being overcome by the flesh, instead of letting the Holy Spirit govern my thoughts and actions.

I have come to the realization that it is a battle I myself am never going to win.

It is a battle that has already been won for me on Calvary, by Jesus Christ, when He hung on that cross and died as payment for every single sin I would ever commit here on this earth.

That is where the victory is.

As long as I am alive here on this green earth, I am going to have moments where my flesh wins.

All I can do is ask for forgiveness – from my Lord and my daughter.

Even after disciplining Little Bug in anger this morning, all she wanted to do was crawl up in my lap and let me hug and hold her. I told her I was sorry for being frustrated at her and that I loved her very much.

In her precious, tiny little voice, as she slurped back tears, she said, “I love you too Mommy.”

And all was well in our little world again.

Except the fact that I have a much harder time forgiving myself than my 2 year old does, apparently. And, obviously, I still have a lot of work to do with Little Bug as far as first-time obedience goes.

Life is hard, people. We all face challenges. We all have sin in our lives.

We all need Jesus.

We all need to stop playing The Perfect Game.

- Elaine