Dear Little Bug,

For years now, I have written this blog that tells the tale of your Mommy and Daddy’s journey down a long, dark road that eventually lead us to…you! As I write on here, it is always in the back of my mind that one day you are going to be all grown up and will hopefully desire to read all of this from the beginning because this is your story, your journey, too.

I have never actually written to you on my blog so here goes my first letter to you.

As I write this, you are 2.5 years old and everything I imagined a daughter would be and more. I can vividly remember the strong desire in my heart for God to put a baby in my womb. I wanted to experience seeing those two pink lines indicating life was growing inside of me. I wanted to feel your kicks and see you roll around in my belly.

But, Little Bug, if you had grown in my womb, you wouldn’t be the little girl you are today. To be who you are today, you had to grow in Tracy’s womb.

At 2.5 years old, all you understand of this is that you “used to be in Tracy’s tummy”. When I think of that revelation, it sometimes stops me in my tracks as I think that you were not born unto me. You were born unto another woman, but then as only God could do, He put you in our family.

One day, when you are older, I know you are going to want to know everything there is to know about Tracy. And I do mean everything because you are one very curious little girl. You have been curious about your world since you first realized there was more to life than your bottle.

When that time comes I will share everything there is to know with you.

God gave your Mommy six weeks with your birth mother before your birth and while those six weeks were a tad stressful (okay, a lot stressful), I would not trade having that time with your birth mother for anything in the world.

I wanted to have that time with the woman who was placing her precious baby with me. I wanted to know who she was as a person. I wanted to know her likes and dislikes, her preferences. And I wanted her to know how special she was (and is) to me.

I recorded everything in my notebooks, Little Bug, with the intent that maybe one day you would want to go back and read about those days when you were in Tracy’s tummy and Mommy would go to doctor’s appointments with Tracy and get to hear your heartbeat.

Little Bug, I will never forget that sound. Tracy and I were at the doctor’s office. Tracy was laying on the examination table. The tech came in with the doppler and put it to Tracy’s belly and suddenly the most beautiful sound ever filled the entire room….your heartbeat!! I remember I was just all smiles, grinning from ear to ear at the sound of that strong heartbeat in Tracy’s belly.

Then another time, during one of Tracy’s false alarms of labor, I sat with her at the emergency room as she lay on the bed. Through her discomfort, she grinned at me and had that smile on her face when she knew she was about to make my day. She said, “She’s moving around A LOT. You can feel her if you want.”

I know it didn’t take me but half a second to have my hand on her belly and a couple seconds later, I felt your little kick.

Your birth mother may have caused your Mommy a lot of stress during those six weeks for various reasons, but Little Bug, there was a special bond between the two of us that I can’t really put into words. Tracy was so good about including me in the whole “pregnancy and birthing” process. She gave me moments with you (like hearing your heartbeat, feeling you kick and seeing you enter this world) that she could have just kept to herself.

I kinda got off topic about where I was going with the notebooks, so…

I have all these notebooks for you, Little Bug. One day when you start asking questions I will answer anything you ask. When you reach an age where you can handle all the details I know your little brain is going to crave, I will hand over my notebooks to you for your reading pleasure.

Of course, I realize that you may not want to read these notebooks or this blog, and that is perfectly okay, too. The point is, I don’t ever want you wondering who?, when?, where?, why? or how? The answers, should your little heart desire them, are all here for you at your fingertips, if you wish.

Baby girl, I pray one thing you do realize is what a miracle you are. The Bible tells us that our days are written by God before even one of them takes place. God knew His plan for you even before Mommy and Tracy were born! He knew he would make Mommy barren. He knew He would place you in Tracy’s womb and He knew Tracy would place you with Mommy and Daddy. He orchestrated it all.

You are one very special girl. In fact, that is what I tell you now. That yes, you used to be in Tracy’s tummy because…you are a very special little girl.

That is all you need to know now at the tender age of two and a half. That you are special. As you are get older, we can start to delve into everything, if you wish.

I pray, my little baby girl, you see the miracle that you are and the faithfulness of our God upon your life even before you took your first breath.

I love you,

Mommy

- Elaine