I hesitate to even put this into writing because I am well aware that there are way worse things that could be going on with my baby right now.

Such as life-threatening diseases.

Or a condition that will stay with her the rest of her life.

But, yesterday and today I just felt “down” and I know it is because for the past 6 months my life has revolved around nurturing Sweet Pea and getting her over the humps that come along with drug exposure in the womb.

I remember feeling this way when Little Bug was born, too.

While I do not have any control over what my daughters were exposed to in the womb, I have every bit of control once they are placed in my arms to do every single thing possible to make their time of withdrawal as “smooth” as possible.

The best way I know how to do this is to basically shield my babies from the outside world until their little nervous system has time to heal and they can handle the stimulation of the world beyond our home.

So that is exactly what I do and it takes it’s toll on me because, while I have certainly not been a hermit in our home for the past 6 months, life is drastically different than it was half a year ago.

I am so ready for Sweet Pea to be a “normal” baby that can go and do every day normal activities without overstimulation becoming an issue!

The good news is we are almost there. Her overstimulation issues peaked at the beginning of December when she started freaking out anytime we were with a group of people for Christmas parties. And now, at 6 months old, I know we are nearly at the end of this road and it won’t be long and life can resume to “normal”, once again.

While Rebecca was here, we all went to Olive Garden to celebrate Levi’s finalization. I went armed with all my things to help Sweet Pea if the restaurant atmosphere got to be too much for her: her car seat which acts as a cocoon to shut out the world around her, a big blanket to drape over the car seat to make it dark, her white noise lamb that attaches to the car seat to drown out noise, the miracle blanket and her paci to help her fall asleep which is what she needs if she gets overstimulated.

Olive Garden was the first place Sweet Pea had been to besides church and my parents’ house since probably Christmastime when I decided it wasn’t fair to her to take her places I knew would overstimulate her.

We arrived at the restaurant and Sweet Pea was in the car seat with just the car seat canopy over her (no blanket to fully shut everything out). She sat like that at first and she seemed totally fine so I decided I was going to get her out of her “cocoon” and see how she handled things.

I was watching her like a hawk for her overstimulation signs, but I never saw any and I can’t tell you how good it felt to be at a restaurant with my little family of four and for all four of us to be enjoying our time there!

That’s when I knew we were nearing the end.

A few days later, Little Bug, Sweet Pea and I walked up to the neighborhood park. We have done this several times since Sweet Pea started staying awake longer, but I usually keep Sweet Pea in the stroller so she is shielded from the wind, which she does not like.

One this day, it wasn’t windy at all, so I decided that it was time for Sweet Pea to swing on the baby swing at the park for the first time!

(taken from my phone)

She LOVED it, but I pushed her limits a little too much because as I was swinging with Little Bug on the bigger swing, I saw “the look” on her face. I immediately stopped swinging with Little Bug and jumped off the swing to get Sweet Pea back in the stroller before it was too late.

Fortunately, I made it because I was watching for overstimulation signs, but that told me she isn’t quite completely over all this mess yet and I need to still be aware of how she is taking things in.

But, we are close. The simple fact that she could swing for a time at the neighborhood park makes my heart do flips!

I hope you hear my heart when I say this because I obviously wouldn’t want my life to be any different at all. However, I do find myself sometimes wondering what it would be like to have a “normal newborn” – a newborn NOT exposed to drugs in the womb, a newborn that wouldn’t have to go through withdrawals.

I have no idea what that would be like.

In the same thought, though, I find myself also thanking God that my girls are healthy, because I would rather deal with this than life-threatening diseases any day.

- Elaine