I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t do anything but just lay here. I hate just laying here. I want my baby to be all better and I want to ensure Dave, Sweet Pea and my parents are spared. I am seriously going to lose it if they get sick. I will feel so horrible and responsible. I don’t wish this on my worst enemy, even though I have no enemies in this life.

This is just miserable. Every part of my body aches. I got one hour of fitful sleep last night and I just want to sleep. But, I can’t get comfortable and the images of my girls haunt me when I close my eyes.

I am a mess!

I have spent a lot of time in prayer over the past 18ish hours. (Is that how long its been since 8pm last night? I haven’t a clue.)

I’m stuck here for who knows how long feeling miserable so I decided that I needed to ask God, “What in the world are you trying to teach me through this.”

And it was that I still have control issues. I know I am not in control of my life. I know I cannot protect my daughter’s from a physical illness or an emotional heartbreak.

It is part of life.

People are going to get sick. Life can’t stop. Bubble life just can’t happen. I mean, I guess it could, but is that really the life I desire for my children and family? No.

But this fear (of the stomach bug) is bad, folks. Like it is a real phobia I have and it is irrational, I know and I need to “get over” this cause it is going to happen no matter what I do or don’t do to protect my children from it. I cannot protect them from every little thing. I am not in control of their lives. They are God’s children on loan to me.

I have got to get a grip and realize my fear is stupid. I lay here thinking about how I could have avoided this, but I know the answer.

I am not in control of anything.

You would think I would know that by now, but this is one of my greatest weaknesses in life, I suppose – wanting to be in control when I am not.

I cannot protect my children from every single virus and living in fear of them getting sick is sinful. Fear is of the devil, not of the Lord.

Who knew all this sickness was going to open this can of worms?

I am also trying to see the positives: I have some of the best family and friends, near and far, in the entire world. Last night around 11pm, I get a text to check the front door. There was a bag of “stomach bug necessities”: Gatorade, Lysol can, crackers, a magazine, soup and…a package of hotdogs. I know you are thinking, “Hotdogs?”, but is an ongoing joke between our circle of friends because Josh loves hotdogs. We were camping one day back in the day pre-kids and Angele had muffins for everyone for breakfast. Josh roasted himself a left over hotdog from the previous night. He said he put hotdogs in there because “hotdogs make everything better”. When I text Angele what her husband had done, she burst out laughing just like I had when I looked in the bag. More than Gatorade I did need those hotdogs last night because they made me smile and laugh in the midst of a miserable night. And those supplies that Angele put on the list will come in handy today as I hopefully get an appetite back and can try some soup.

And then lifelong friend, Maria, called and talked to me for an hour this morning, helping pass time and distract me from the way I feel. Others have said they are praying on Facebook after I put out a plea for prayer. And still others, from near and far have sent emails and text messages. Richly blessed in the friend department, I am.

And then my mom. What a selfless woman she is. I don’t know that I could willingly take care of someone else’s puking kid. In fact, I know I could not. I know Little Bug is “her own”, but still – selfless. What an example.

I called my mother-in-law to let her know what was going on and through my tears she lovingly assured me that I am not a horrible mother because my child caught a stomach bug. It happens. It is life. And she said she will do whatever she needs to help me. She said she would even come and just sit with me if I was lonely.

My husband. Cleaned up puke from the car. Gross. And waited on me hand and food last night.

My Daddy went and bought probiotics for adults.

This shall pass, I know. But oh the misery today! Thanks for your comments here too. And prayers. Thank you.

- Elaine