I’ve heard about the “terrible 2s” and how the age of three is usually way worse.

And now, I believe it!

An almost 3 year old lives in this house and, dear me, some days I just want to run away from her because I don’t want to fight one more battle with her!

I think (I don’t know because I only have experience with one almost 3 year old child) that when you add in a spit-fire personality this is all exaggerated even more….and leaves me with the feeling of want to run away from her at times!

Right now, I find myself trying to do a delicate balance of not allowing my child to be in control (because I am the parent and she is the child) but at the same time allow her to grow and mature and gain some independence in appropriate ways.

I’ve written before about first time obedience. First time obedience certainly doesn’t happen every single time with a two-year-old, but it is a goal that we are striving to reach because we feel we should be able to tell our children to do something and then they do it – the first time, not the 3rd or 20th time.

When my girls are school-age, I want to be able to tell them, “go put your shoes on so we can leave in five minutes” and then in five minutes I want to see us all walking out the door ready to leave and not still be telling them over and over again to “go put your shoes on”! I want them to stop what they are doing and obey the verbal command of their authority figure. Am I asking too much? I don’t think so.

I have found Little Bug goes through seasons of doing pretty well with first time obedience and then she falls into a season where I want to pull my hair out by bedtime.

I am a member of a babywise forum and there was a thread about “first time obedience” recently. One member left a very smart five-step process she goes through when she asks her pre-schooler to do something.

1. Get attention.
2. Give direction.
3. Check understanding.
4. Show trust in child.
5. Discipline/assist if necessary.

I say, “Little Bug!”. Then I give her the direction I want her to follow. “Take your shoes off and put them in the basket so we can go inside.” Then I check for her understanding. “What do you need to do, Little Bug?” She says, “Put my shoes up.”

Then, this is the clever part and something I love!! I show my trust in Little Bug to follow my directions, once I know that she has heard and understands what I want her to do. I turn away from her and start getting Sweet Pea out of the stroller so we can go inside, leaving her the dignity to obey on her own accord without being forced by my “Mommy-eye” upon her or by continuing to bark orders down her back until she complies.

(This scenario did actually happen this afternoon.) Sure enough, I got Sweet Pea out of the stroller and went around the car to find Little Bug sitting there taking her shoes off and putting them in the basket.

I’ve used that method several other times today with great success.

Another method I use that has been very effective is to take her to the pack n play in my bedroom and put her in when she is in one of those moods where nothing I do is right, she isn’t obeying and she is fussing and whining over every.little.thing.

I take her to the pack n play while telling her that the way she is speaking and acting is not acceptable at all. I tell her I will be back in a few minutes to see if she is ready to be my sweet Little Bug.

So far, every single time I have implemented this it’s like a light switch – she turns the negative behavior off and is my sweet girl once again. I think it is because children need to know what parents expect of them. Children live up to our expectations. The pack n play method clearly tells Little Bug that her behavior is unacceptable.

This kid is too smart for her own good, though.

She KNOWS one thing that will get her out of the pack n play and that is having to go potty. (Smart cookie, I tell ya.) Last time I had to use this, the moment I walked out she yelled, “Mommy, I need to go potty.”

What did I do? Well, um, I took my chances that she was just crying wolf and didn’t come back to let her get out and go potty.

Several minutes later, I went back in to talk to her and see if she was ready to be a polite, sweet girl again. She was. She got out and didn’t run to the potty because, just like I figured, she didn’t really need to go. (Can we say manipulation??! Do you see why I want to pull my hair out by bedtime some days?)

I’ve just got to stay on top of my game (i.e. parenting) and pray my efforts make a difference.

How did you survive your child’s third year???

- Elaine