I believe parenting must be something that has to be very intentional. And I believe taking what I learn from the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart is only going to make my parenting even more intentional.

We only have eighteen years with our children before they spread their wings and fly…

When you think of that in terms of the typical average 75 years on earth most of us spend, eighteen years is just a small fraction of their lifetime.

And, really, it’s those first three years that are so critical. Those first three years are the years in which a good foundation of submitting to authority must be laid. It is in those three years the groundwork is laid for the remainder fifteen years.

I made it my goal (one of many, actually) to not “lose control” of my child in their first three years. I knew if I could just establish my authority over my child in love and by Biblical discipline, I would make the next 15 years be a lot more enjoyable for the whole family! Yes, I have a firecracker, strong-willed three-year-old, but I have not lost control of her. She submits to our authority and obeys most of the time and it took A LOT of hard work to get to this point. But we have arrived and I don’t even want to imagine what life would be like with her if she wasn’t under our authority!

When I started reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart I felt like I was reading something that totally lined up with my beliefs on childrearing. The words of this book made me stop and change the the ways I deal with disobedience in my children.

Our lives are a reflection of our hearts.

And because of this the heart is what determines the behavior of children.

Luke 6:45 says, “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

The Bible teaches that the basic issue when disciplining our children is NOT their behaviors! The basic issue is always what is going on in their little hearts. What is in their hearts drives their behaviors.

If we deal with just the behavior without dealing with the heart matter, there is not going to be any lasting change.

Mark 7:21 says, “….from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.”

All of these are born from our heart – they begin in the heart and pour out into our lives from there.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts, above all else. Why? Because it is the wellspring of life.

Everything that we do and say comes from within – from our hearts.

And, I know, it is a sad thing to realize that our cute, adorable children are not born innocent but, we are born sinners – with ugliness in our hearts.

In the first chapter, Tripp gives an example of something that happens very frequently in a house with more than one child. This illustration really tied all the content of the first chapter together for me.

Two children. One toy. The two children both want the same toy.

What is the response most parents give when they hear their kids bickering over the same toy?

Who had it first?

The problem with this is that it misses heart issues!

Tripp writes on page 5, “Justice operates in the favor of the child who was the quicker draw in getting the toy.”

Looking at this situation from the heart issues that are involved shows that there are two offenders. Both are showing a hardness of heart for their sibling and both are being selfish.

Tripp says, “All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart.” (page 6)

It is not enough to just focus on getting our children to “be good and behave well”. It must go deeper than that.

As their parents, we must shepherd their hearts.

It is not just a “good parenting method that I read in some book”.

Shepherding our children’s hearts is a God-given responsibility given to every single parent.

More on that in the future.

- Elaine