Today is Babywise Friendly Blog Network Day and Maureen from Childwise Chat is guest posting here about first-time obedience. I am over on Rachel’s blog, A Mother Far From Home, writing about 5 things motherhood via adoption taught me.

By Maureen Monfore, www.ChildwiseChat.com

If you’ve read my blog, you know that I’m a faithful follower of the Gary and Anne Marie Ezzos’ parenting techniques. I also wholeheartedly believe in first-time obedience, so much so that I wrote an e-book on the topic. First-time obedience does so much for our family as it gets many troublesome behaviors out of the way, so we can focus on more important teachings.

This brings me to the title of my post. It is important to explain the moral reasons behind our requests of our children, but many parents take this too far. They feel they need to explain each and every detail of every request they make of their child.

Granted, the Ezzos tell us that we should explain the reasons behind our instructions:

“But by the time your child hits three years of age, instructions that are tied to moral behavior should include moral or practical reasons why,” (On Becoming Childwise, p. 81)

This makes sense. We want our kids to understand the reasons behind certain behaviors so they will adopt them as their own. We want our kids to share because it’s kind, not simply because we said so.

Having said all of that, there’s often a problem with this. Some kids use this as an excuse to disobey or at least not obey the first time. They feel they are owed an explanation. This is particularly true of children who grow up with parents who feel the need to explain everything. If an instruction is given, instead of obeying, the child will ask 20 questions until he has sufficient detail and feels he can obey the instructions. It’s as if the parent needs to convince the child to obey. This is anything but first-time obedience.

There’s a fine balance in explaining the moral reasons for our instructions and giving so much information that it puts the child in the driver’s seat. If you simply ask your child to put his shoes on, he should do so without asking why. You may mention where you’re going, but it shouldn’t go beyond that. In fact, even better, wait until your child starts putting his shoes on before you explain anything. Get the obedience first, and then give the moral or practical reasons why.

If you see yourself in this post, make an effort to close your mouth after you have given your instruction. Then see if your child will obey without an explanation. If he proceeds to ask questions, tell him you will explain after you see obedience.

Maureen Monfore is a mother of two boys, a freelance writer, and the author of ChildwiseChat.com and the eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience. A loyal follower of the teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, she is passionate about teaching children to obey to pave the way for fun, love, learning, and essential moral development.

- Elaine