I’ve always had the burning question of What makes Little Bug so strong-willed?? in the back of my mind. Having a laid-back, compliant child come after her only made the question more prevalent in my mind.

Sweet Pea is over two years and has only required very minimal discipline thus far. By the time Little Bug was one, I already knew I was in for it with that child!

What makes a strong-willed kiddo strong-willed??

I had a strong inclination that genetics have a big roll in this and Dobson’s The New Strong-Willed Child book only confirmed this for me.

This aspect of inborn temperament is not something boys and girls learn. It is something they are. {page 46}

Reading that made total sense to me because there was a time when I thought (hoped) I could possibly change my child. I laugh at that now, because I’ve grown to accept this is just the way Little Bug is. There is no changing her inner make-up. The more I think about it, the more I don’t want to change her because this is who God made her to be and to change her personality would be to change the person God made her to be.

My role as her parent is to mold and shape her and channel her strong-personality so that God can use her for His service and Kingdom work. (More on that in another post.)

I absolutely loved an illustration Dobson used at the beginning of his book to describe these strong-willed children. He used the analogy of a shopping cart in the grocery store. {page 7-8}

Some carts are easily steered; they go exactly in the direction you are steering them to go. Other carts, no matter what direction you steer them, they seem to have a mind and will all of their own, and go in the opposite direction than you want it to go. That would be the strong-willed child.

A classic study of inborn temperaments was performed over 25 years ago by two psychiatrists (Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas).  “From theses and other studies it became clear that much of the personality, perhaps 70% or more, is inherited.” {page 47}

Seventy percent! Wow!

Little Bug has a unique situation in that she was adopted, which plucked her away from her biological environment to the point where genetics has played no roll in who she is today besides the fact that her genetic make-up has made her have this strong-willed, stubborn personality. (And I was clearly warned by her birth mother that Little Bug would be this way because other children of Tracy’s are like this.)

I don’t go into specific details about Little Bug’s biological family on this blog because I feel those are details that are private and only for Little Bug to share with people if she desires. I will say that Tracy placed Little Bug mainly because she wanted more for this child. Little Bug has several older biological children and none of them live with their mother. Had Little Bug stayed in her biological family, she would most likely be following in her biological siblings footsteps and…Tracy wanted more for Little Bug. She wanted that trend to stop with Little Bug.

When I think about this, it makes me realize even more the miracle Little Bug is. Why, of all those children, did God choose to remove Little Bug from that environment and place her in a stable, two-parent, Christian home? I know those factors are certainly not an absolute formula for a positive successful upbringing. I also do not view myself as a “hero” who came along and “rescued” a child.

But I do think of the what ifs. What if Little Bug lived with her biological family? Who would she be living with? And where would her life be headed? Sadly, I can look at the lives of her biological siblings and get a pretty good idea of where this precious child would be headed, especially with her strong-willed, determined, stubborn ways.

And I am just humbled and so thankful God has placed her with us. It’s challenging, but I look at where nature had this child and I see the hand of God removing her from that environment and placing her in our care and I know God has something absolutely amazing in store for this child to do. She has opportunities and a chance at life unlike any of her biological siblings. (That truth breaks my heart for her siblings.)

I got off on a tangent and this post may no longer be making much sense, but all that to say…..Little Bug’s strong-willed personality comes from her genes, but she has two loving, committed parents who are willing to fight for her and train her in the Lord. And, according to Dobson, that’s what all children need from their parents, but especially strong-willed kids.

Next time I write about this book, I will be writing about the type of parenting strong-willed kids need.

- Elaine