Today I am blogging over at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom about how I talk to my daughters about their adoption stories. I am honored to have Valerie over here at my blog today with her usual expert advice concerning all things Babywise. She is sharing with us something that we all need to take into consideration while implementing Babywise.

(source)

by Valerie Plowman

A huge struggle many moms who like to follow a routine or schedule with their children have is knowing how to balance that schedule with living life. You don't want to be a slave to your schedule, meaning, you don't want to put the schedule first all the time. Sometimes it is okay to deviate from that schedule. But moms worry about how often and what it will do to their baby if they do.

There is no one right answer to those questions. Here are some things to consider as you figure out what works for your family.

Understand Your Child's Limits

Some babies and children are more flexible than others. I have had a child who could not handle much disruption at all. When that child was young and napping, I was pretty much always home for his nap or putting him down for a nap wherever I was within his ten minute ideal window. If I didn't, he would just cry the whole time he was awake, so it wasn't worth it to me to be out during his nap. I preferred being home and missing the fun to being at the "fun" and holding a crying baby/toddler--because that isn't fun to me!

I also have had children who were reasonably flexible. They could miss naps or be late for naps every so often without losing it. I couldn't do it several days in a row, but I could do it even a couple of times a week without negative consequences. 

My youngest is quite flexible. I can put her down for her nap two hours early if I need to and she sleeps just fine (my first to do this). I can keep her up late for bedtime while we are out doing something as a family and she is as cheerful as she always is. She can be an hour late for her nap because we are at story time and the worst she ever gets is wanting to sit in my lap the whole time (which in reality is preferable to her wanting to explore the library anyway). With her being my fourth, I have a personal parenting policy by now that I don't do more than a couple of disruptions a week and always strive to not do them back to back if possible, so I don't know how far I can push her flexibility, but she is quite flexible. 

My point here is that your child is an individual. What types of disruptions your child can handle will be individual. As you decide how much variance you can have, you will need to consider your child as an individual. Respect the limits your child has.

Stagger Disruptions

Even if you have an super flexible child, it is wise to stagger your disruptions. Missing a nap two days in a row will mean your child is less graceful on day two. Plus you start to really build up a sleep deficit, which can lead to shortened naps (or no naps) and rough nights. So stagger those disruptions as much as you can. Try to not have them two days in a row. It is ideal to have two days between major disruptions. You can't always control it, but do when you can.

Think Outside The Box

You don't have to disrupt your child's schedule anytime another family member has something going on. You can get a baby sitter, you can carpool, you can have one parent stay home...there are lots of options other than always disrupting the baby's schedule. You can read more on this in this post I wrote: Managing Baby Plus Older Kids' Activities

You can also think outside of the box in how you work with the situation. The other day, we needed to be about an hour away two hours into Brinley's regular nap. I saw three basic options. I could have her skip it altogether, have her take a late nap (two hours late), or have her take an early nap. I know Brinley and knew she would go to sleep if I put her down two hours early. So I did that. Sometimes we assume if something interferes with nap or bedtime, then those things are just sacrificed. With a little creativity and problem solving, we can often think of a solution to help ease the stress it will put on the baby or toddler.

Take Turns Sacrificing

It shouldn't always be the youngest who sacrifices when there is a conflict with the normal schedule and an outside activity. Sometimes we don't do that activity at all. Sometimes we go late. Sometimes we leave early. I wrote more about this in: Baby Joins a Family {AND} Family Adds a Baby. In a family, everyone sacrifices. 

Create a Schedule That Works for Your Family as a Whole

As you create a schedule for the family members, there are certain things that are fixed that you have no control over. There are also personal quirks to consider--you can't always change a baby's wake up time or bedtime.

But sometimes you can. When my oldest was a baby, my husband didn't get home each day until after the time a child typically goes to bed. He stayed up a bit later than would have been ideal for him so he could see his father each day. It was a choice between knowing his dad and going to bed at the optimal time. He survived it! When he turned a year, my husband graduated from school and got a real job and we were able to move his bedtime to a regular time. That was an example of us having our schedule serve our family rather than our family serving our schedule. Don't be afraid to set a schedule that is ideal for your family as a whole.

For similar posts on this topic, see:

• Managing the Entire Family's Schedules
• Meeting Needs of Each Child
• Planning Your Schedule for Multiple Children
• Let Your Schedule Serve You, You Don't Serve Your Schedule

Valerie is the mother to four and blogs at www.babywisemom.com.

- Elaine