The pain is deep and it is hard to make sense of anything. But there are a few things I know. I was dreading the "48 hour wait" more than anything with this adoption process. Having done this 3 other times, I remember clearly the agony the waiting is. Apart from waiting on news about the health of one of my children, family or friends, I cannot imagine anything more agonizing to wait on! It is pure emotional torture. I hoped God would allow the signing to be a smooth, easy process, but at the same time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't be. Why? Because with this current scenario, we are pretty much in a situation where we are at the mercy of God to ACT on behalf of this innocent child and intervene and DO ANOTHER MIRACLE to place him in our home. I may know THAT but I am NOT God and ultimately I DON'T know what God's plan is for this child and our family. Maybe He is going to use these crazy worldly circumstances to intervene in a way that we will all clearly know GOD is GOD. Or maybe He has another plan for our family that we are unaware of today. Either way, I can guarantee you this: God will receive the glory!!! If there is anything I have learned over the past decade from the moment my dream of pregnancy was stripped away, it is that God uses our trials and tribulations in this broken world to bring Himself Glory so that others may come to know and trust in Him as well. And where does this leave little ol' me? I am a complete disaster today, for certain, but ultimately I know my place in this: surrender. And, I am getting there, slowly but surely. God is either going to perform another miracle in bringing THIS baby to us OR He is going to show Dave & myself a new direction. You better believe I have begged God not to hand me the "failed adoption" card, but ultimately, I want His will. That's what surrender is all about. I can't see where this is going right now, but I KNOW God is faithful and, no matter what happens today or next week or never, BIG THINGS ARE COMING. God hasn't brought us this far to drop us on our heads. He will show me the way through this trial just like He has always done in the past. We wait on the LORD.